Alternate futures.

This week was spent wrestling with some big decisions. Due to the sensitive nature of the subject itself, I've been subtly slipping some of my questions and thoughts to friends and colleagues like a number scrawled on a napkin under a drink from an anonymous gentleman. No goals, I just want the reaction. I'm hoping it was subtle enough, because as one continues to talk about such things, the impression one gives might not be what one intended to give in the beginning.

Thus, mental exhaustion has all but consumed me, and i'm feeling rather introverted these days. And inadequately prepared for life. And mildly depressed and generally unsatisfied. Jogging has been the one saving grace from complete mental annihilation. It's a temporary disconnect from the rest of the world, and allows me to engage in a one-on-one discussion with myself by sifting through the day's thoughts and to see fuzzy uncertainties under a clearer and unobstructed light.

I admit that a big part of the inadequacy I've been feeling has stemmed from one discussion from one recent new connection in my social network. I say connection because that was all it was, and I don't wish to see him again, but strangely enough, the ideas brought forth from this single exchange have sounded so reverbrantly in my head they have changed me permanently.

I admired his ambition, but was a bit taken aback by his greed. And even though he had near-perfect table manners and good values (he brought an umbrella for the both of us, offered to pick me up, as examples of this), I didn't trust him, not completely anyways. He was a young boy blinded by the bright lights of the city, the fast cars and the fine dining and the one-night women; he spoke highly of his corporate credit card, and his company-paid blackberry, his value within the company, his startup side-project, and the 50 dollar meals on his frequent business trips. When I pulled out my own platinum credit card (my sole credit card, because I hate them on principle) to pay for my meal (which I insisted on paying for), his eyes gleamed at glittery silver poking out of my bill booklet. Even though talking to him revealed his good upbringing, he had forgotten when we were supposed to meet and tried to fish it out of me. Bad move, kid. I didn't bite and after a while he was forced to admit his lapse in memory. And when he fibs, he averts his gaze. Maybe I'm judging him a little too harshly? But even as a potential business contact, I didn't have a good first impression overall.

But I digress. The above was just to provide you some context. What I did find refreshing was his ambition, his drive for bettering himself, in terms of his career. He spoke of how there was so much out there, and that most people he knew would never venture further than 100 miles from they were born. There was so much we could achieve, so much we could do. The world is out there, we just have to stand up and reach out and catch our opportunities with both hands. What he said (perhaps fueled by my enthusiastic agreement) was so inspiring it felt like a face-full of cold water on my 40th marathon-mile. It really was.

But what I really want to highlight were the consequences that emerged from this night, that fact that our conversation served as my gateway drug; one that woke the dormant dissatisfaction and discontent in my life and sent them bobbing to the surface of my consiousness. He made me envision an alternate future for myself, something that was better than what I had now, and I really, really wanted it. And as is the purpose that every gateway drug serves, once you've been introduced to something better, it's very hard to go back, isn't it?

So it depressed me, the fact that I wasn't where I wanted to be, I wasn't where I should be, where I deserved to be. Maybe I didn't work hard enough, wasn't smart enough, wasn't given the right opportunities or something. Maybe I didn't make the right choices in life. Or not enough of them. So this was the brutal self-examination that harassed my mind like an invisible thorn in my foot.

* * * * * *

Yesterday, a gentle rain fell over Montréal, and as I made my evening round, I wrote a short and succint mental letter adressed to myself, and felt significantly happier after. Maybe it was just exercise endorphins, who knows. I'd like to share it here anyways, and maybe someone other than me can relate to this or get inspired to change their thoughts and therefore their lives, in the irreversible way that mine have changed. So this is what I told myself:

Sit down.
Look at me.

And listen.

The last time you felt this down about yourself you were wading in the waters of post-graduation unemployment. You just wanted a job, any job. Do you remember that feeling of inadequacy? Looking at job requirements and seeing that you never ever fit what they wanted? Crappy interviews and email rejections? Living temp-job paycheck to temp-job paycheck?

Well guess what. You have a job now. And it pays well, because it allows you to indulge in whatever the hell you want to indulge in. Like those 30 dollar foie gras burgers and tiny-ass 50 dollar bottles of ice wine.

Think you are going to die alone with no friends? If you have 2 friends, you have friends. If you have 2000 friends, you have friends. I believe I just repeated myself. If you can't find someone to go out with you, who the fuck cares? Being alone means enjoying the freedom to do absolutely anything you want to do at any moment in time. No commitments to act or behave the way you would want someone to see you! None whatsoever!

Don't want to go through life alone? At least you're single. You could be trapped in a marriage whose love was last around when leisure suits were in.

Career uncertainties? At least you have a choice. Stay, or leave. But never be unhappy where you are. At the end of the day, you don't want to be able to say you spent a quarter of your life doing something you didn't really want to do.

Think you have so many responsibilities, so many bills to pay? At least you can pay them. You could be six figures in the red right now with kids that are going to inherit your debt.

Think your love handles are the bane of your existence? Want to be model-thin? Someone just died of malnutrition today. And someone will die of malnutrition tomorrow. Be happy about your curves.

So stop wasting your time feeling unhappy about yourself. Know that there is always someone better than you, and someone worse than you, but you're not supposed to care. Because you are your only competition, and you are your most important coach.

So go out there, live your dream, and wear your passion.

Startup advice. or life advice?

I liked this article:

1/16 of the time people are happy. The rest of the time they are unhappy. So if you start to avoid all the things that cause unhappiness then maybe there’s a small chance you can improve the ratios in your favor.

Claudia says “why are you writing about failure? Think positive!” What? Avoiding every possible way to fail is the most positive thing you can do to be happy and successful.

Here’s the REAL reasons entrepreneurs fail. Its not because of a bad programmer. Fire him and get a new one. Its not because a client pulled out at the last minute. Get a new client, or anticipate. It not because your girlfriend cheated on you. Kick her to the curb. Its not because some guy sued you or your employees delivered an unfinished product. We already know its your fault. Every failure (EVERY) failure boils down to these core reasons that come from the INSIDE. Some might seem obvious but they really are the ONLY reasons for failure. They are the CORE FOUNDATIONS of every failure. Pay attention to them please:

A) Sickness. This is obvious. If you are sick all the time, you won’t be successful at a business. When I was a venture capitalist I would never invest money to a guy hooked up to a ventilator. Or even if I supect they are clinically deprssed. Many people avoid second dates if they find out on the first date the girl has late-stage terminal cancer. This is sad but reality.

What does it mean for an enterpreneur? Put good things in your body. Exercise. Don’t drink. Sleep 8 hours a day. That’s it. Then you probably won’t get sick as much and you’ll have a lot of energy to do your business. If you’re sick in bed all the time, your business will fail.

Sometimes Sickness might also be telling you something. When I worked for a private equity firm I fell once for no reason and could barely walk for a week or so afterwards. It wasn’t good for me to be there. I never went back. And later experiences proved me correct. Your body sometimes knows more than you do.

B) Inertia. I went out for dinner the other night with people who couldn’t stop talking, eating, and drinking. One person had business ideas. The other person wanted to write a novel. All night long drinking, eating, talking about business ideas, talking about writing novels. Talking, eating, drinking, talking, walking, drinking again, talking more. Then you sleep. Wake up at eight. Bloated, sick, heavy.

Wake up at eight — then you are too late. If you want to succeed you first have to get up and start. You can’t watch SharkTank, you have to be the shark. Don’t waste time. Start NOW. No more stuffing your face. No more parties at high-tech meetups with lots of social media experts. You know you only want to have sex with a social media expert. Stop lying about it. Start your business.

C) Doubts. You need to have a real passion behind the product you are creating. Would YOU use the product? If you wouldn’t, or if you are not sure, then you have doubts. Steve Jobs WANTED an ipad, an ipod, an i-everything. Doubts will make you fail because you won’t be able to make critical design decisions. Decisions are the top of a pyramid. Beneath the top is the base built by your solid foundation: “this is the product I would use. This is the product I want!” Then all decisions come from that.

With stockpickr.com I was obsessed about putting in new features. But every single new feature was something that had worked successfully to make me a better trader. I had no doubts. I had the spreadsheets showing me those strategies worked. With Reset.com I only built websites that I would want to use.

D) Laziness. Everyone is lazy some of the time. If I am bored with something I’m lazy. But with a startup, or if you are trying to move up in the corporate world, or if you are falling in love with a girl, you can’t be lazy. She wants to go dancing tango. You want to watch Jay Leno. You’re a lazy pig. She’ll find someone else to tango with. You have to be working at it all the time, except when you sleep and exercise and even then your subconscious is working at it. For jobs and startups, its a 10-12 hour day. There’s no avoiding it. Managing that time is a different story but that’s how you beat the 9 hour a day competitors.


E) Carelessness. If your programmers present you a final product, you still have to check every page, click on everything, click on everything fast and twice, don’t forget a birthday or an anniversary, don’t forget everything your boss told you or everything the client wanted. Be detail oriented. Persistent carelessness equals consistent failure.

F) Vacillating. Is this the right business? Or should I back up and start fresh with a new idea? Should I hire this girl? Or that guy? I’ll hire this guy but then I’ll have doubts and I wont follow up. I’ll go out with this girl who is rich but maybe I really like that sexy girl who I met in an elevator. If you’re stuck in too many middles, you get sliced up into bits of broken glass. Your businesses implodes, your relationships have to start back at zero. You vacillated and ended up with nothing. Congratulations. By the way, pick the sexy girl.

G) No progress. You start your business. You launch your dating site. A few people sign up. But there’s no excitement. People stop signing up. Traffic stays a few dozen people a day. Ok, no progress. You buy some google ads. They sort of work. No progress. By the way, failure is not a stigma. Its ok to fail. Its just that having “no progress” might be an indication you need to move to another idea or business. I have a post coming about this about another business I started where I was making no progress so I stopped the business and had to return money on the eve of raising it. I was shaking when I returned the money. I don’t like to give back $500,000 that had my name on it. I was a failure. But ultimately returning the money on the eve of failure created much goodwill and led to greater success later. This is not about the success of one business or failure. This is about the success of you.

Even profitable companies sometimes have no progress and have to be rethought. This happened to me with my fund of hedge funds. More on that in another story. Or maybe I told it already. I don’t know.

H) Delusions. People start a business, then they think its the best geo-locator mobile dating discount app on the universe: “its called ‘6th Circle’ because its a play on “foursquare” and the sixth circle of Dante’s Inferno. We’re going to do five deals with major sidewalk companies in China to get the word out. The market is $18 billion in profits because we get everyone in Shanghai to pay 10 cents a day.” Blah blah. Always look back. “Am I smoking crack?” “Am I smoking crack?” “Am I smoking crack?” Every day check the ashtray. Is there crack in there? Delusions will keep you from making progress. Then suddenly, no money, no friends, no more PR, and you’re on your bed smoking your last piece of crack hanging onto the lonely panties of the last hooker who left you by yourself, not even bothering to dress as she slammed the door on the way out. This is your mind on crack.



I) You Fall Backwards. You’re losing clients. Your best programmer quit. Your traffic is going down. Your girlfriend is not returning your calls. Your boss promoted someone over you. Time to get creative now. You need to think out of the box. Again, this is just an obstacle. Not a failure. Failures start off as obstacles. You want to overcome obstacles. You can’t make your girlfriend call you back. Maybe you get a new girlfriend who calls you back. Maybe you take a step back and build a new site. You start looking for a new job so you find people who value you. Falling backwards consistently will make you go to zero. So when you start to “fall backwards” you say, “ok, I have an obstacle. Now I need to think out of the box to get rid of this obstacle.” Its not bad to have obstacles. You just have to overcome them. If you fall back too far then you fell down.

Consistently having ANY of the nine items above will make your business fail. And will make them succeed if you avoid ALL of them. I say “consistently”. Be vigilant. Every morning review the potential obstacles. Every afternoon. Every night. Catch yourself when you first hit the obstacle. If you can clean the obstacles out, you’ll have success. Guaranteed.

Follow the Daily Practice I outline and obstacles will be easier to catch before you fail. Trust it. That Practice will WORK. It works for me. I see it work every day for others. Businesses might fail, relationships might not work out, your old boss will be stuck yelling at the dead pieces of meat that sit in his office sucking up to him. Everyone in the world is suing everyone else and blaming their old best friends. Your ex girlfrind is busying being unhappy in her next relationship. But no longer can anything stop you from succeeding.

Link here:
http://www.jamesaltucher.com/2011/05/the-nine-ways-to-guarantee-success/

Daily practice link here:
http://www.jamesaltucher.com/2011/02/how-to-be-the-luckiest-guy-on-the-planet-in-4-easy-steps/

Fitness tips for dummies.

Had to share this! This muthafucka's so damn entertainin'!

Afraid.

Sometimes I'm afraid. Of doing the wrong thing. Of doing the right thing. Afraid of the consequences of the big decisions I'm forced to make. Afraid of not having enough time to do things I've always wanted to accomplish. Afraid of letting today escape from under me so quickly, I don't even have time to blink. Every day that passes, is 1/365 of a year that I'm never going to have back. What did I do today? Did I make today worth living? Sometimes a spare evening falls onto my lap but I feel too tired to do anything productive. Is this how it's going to be like? Am I inevitably moving towards a vegetative end?

Sometimes I'm also afraid of being happy. It's like I had some sort of Catholic past life or something; guilt very often accompanies us as an unwanted third wheel. Maybe I'm just afraid of losing control completely, even just afraid of loosening my grip on the things I know to be certain and true. Afraid of experiencing something bigger than me, afraid of the trough that follows the peak, and afraid of cleaning up the mess that is myself afterwards.

There was a point in my life where I didn't know who I was anymore, I didn't know what I liked, and fumbled around, trying to find the buttons and the controls to make me happy again. It was like I had fallen so far down the rabbit hole that nothing seemed familiar anymore. Like I had buried her behind a dry wall. I could still feel her there somehow, waiting on the other side, alone in the darkness. This summer, I'm slowly peeling off pieces of that wall, and as a result, the good days are gradually outnumbering the bad days.

Before joining the corporate workforce, I used to see myself as different from the adults I worked with, or the adults I commuted with, or the adults that sat in tables next to me eating our packed lunches. But now, on the same side of the fence, I realize that they are human, like me, full of flaws and lovely little surprises at the same time. I've come to understand that we are all novices navigating through this world, and what nuggets of wisdom we find that happens to comfort us, we share it with each other, because we recognize the same fear in each other's eyes.