I am an agnostic.

I believe that we'll never know that whether god (or gods) exists, but I believe that we all have our own personal friend (not god), someone to watch over us, someone to bring us misfortune so we can overcome it and emerge stronger. Someone to punish us when we lie, cheat, or when we go against our heart. Someone to tell us not to do it again, someone to enforce the right thing to do in this world. Someone to teach us that no pain, no gain. Someone to teach us to appreciate the little things in life by making us work hard for it.

I talk to this person in moments of private suffering, troubled thoughts, and uncertain times. It's really selfish, seeing as I should also maybe talk about all the things I'm grateful for. But we all sometimes take the good and fun times for granted and forget to be thankful.

It was evening and I was walking home alone. The sky was cloudy and the wind was cold and blowing in gusts. Underdressed, I was freezing and my teeth started chattering.

I usually ask for a sign, or make little ultimatums. Like if I see a red car in the next five seconds, I should go for art school, or if I give that old lady my seat, then it will make up for what I did yesterday, or if he breaks up with me, i want it be a sunny day. I guess the irrationality comes from desperation and the feeling of helplessness.

This time I asked for the wind to stop blowing until I got to the intersection, which was about a few minutes away. I asked, if I will find someone out there better than him, then make the wind stop blowing until then. Then I will try my very best to let him go, starting today, and to live my life like the beginning of a next chapter.

The wind stopped until I reached the intersection.

Maybe it was a lucky question, maybe the wind was blowing in a direction that the buildings were tall enough to block it, maybe, maybe, maybe. But to me, it was a sign.